This is my life. The world’s all about me.
In between soap operas and gossiping.
Think me not unworldly. I know I am.
I watch the local news and see evils.
Did you know every man is a rapist?
And those who aren’t are serial killers?
And any remaining = suspicious wife.
So believe me when I say I do care.
About the important issues at hand.
Save the rainforests! Protect all the trees!
Drink bottled water and don’t catch disease!
Sustainability, what does that mean?
We’ve got to focus on saving the birds!
And all the wildlife, on land or the sea!
I know why not, but I can feel it here.
Feelings I feel, emotions in my heart.
Peace and love! War never leads to progress.
Just think how it would be if we don’t fight.
If things just stayed the way they’ve always been.
But enough about politics. I’m bored.
Let’s talk about my kids. That’s what you want.
I want to make you smile, cry, and say “aw.”
Isn’t my life so important to yours?
Look at the times I’ve had, now and the past.
Here’s a picture of me: don’t blink too fast!
Now I’ll type some words so you can read it:
Slight obstacles easily overcome.
Isn’t my life like a Lifetime movie?
Like my post, comment that I’m wonderful.
I’ll be gushy and say the same to you.
Ten million views makes me an activist. 😉
New post. Let’s talk about issues at hand.
They affect me and my community.
Local insignificance, just like yours.
But I know you’ll care. The minority.
“Excuse me, I’m a man. Talk politics?”
Sure, just make it quick. Then I’ll come back soon.
“I’ll just repeat what I’ve heard on the news.”
“I think there’s a conspiracy. Who knows?”
“Activism through words, but not action.”
“That is all. Please don’t comment. I don’t care.”
Okay, that’s enough of dry politics.
Stay here. It’s time for gossip politics.
Who’s pregnant, and who’s cheating on their spouse?
Make your decision based on those issues.
The popular vote. It’s just like gossip!
What ‘juicy’ issues will decide our fates?
Who cares when it only affects four years?
Handsome politicians can make me swoon.
Legitimacy earned. I’ll get a shirt.
“Can we talk about sports? I’ve found something.”
“Let me copy and paste the article…”
“…There. Now you know what the news has just said.”
“That’s all from me. You can have your site back.”
“Oh wait. Sorry. Can my son get on quick?”
“New Pokemon! I read an article.”
“Can’t wait for mindless fun! Dad, can you buy?”
Okay, now us. Things that are important.
Let’s gossip and stalk a celebrity!
Have you seen him with his hair done just right?
He’s so dreamy. The true value of man.
Metrosexual, that’s so hot! Not gay.
I’m sure he looks like that because of girls.
Not because he likes something different…
Anyways, the perfect man. What’s his worth?
Surely more than men who aren’t on TV.
Let’s scream and obsess! Fifteen once again.
Incompetent in bed, but: fantasy!
My knight in armor. Does he have a brain?
Have you seen his hair? What truly matters.
“Speaking of brains, now it’s time for the nerds.”
“Science, interesting but too in-depth.”
“Fun tidbits mired in details abstract.”
Who cares about the world? Let’s just have fun!