King Nothing

Coat of Arms of King Richard III of England

I used to be king. I don’t know what happened, though. The seditious rose and stole my crown, and now sit upon my once hallowed throne. I have done nothing but serve my people, and this is how they repay me. Traitors! What devil to whisper in man’s ear that the holy scepter be thieved in spite of all that is righteousness! Alas, though the crime be against God’s kingdom, there is no more to mourn. All has been said and done, and now they must live with their own consequences! I suppose I wish them spared of God’s wrath for the desecration of the charge that once he had given me alone! I mourn my kingdom’s loss for those who will now suffer under a liege unproven, unworthy, and unholy in his right. Yes, I may have made mistakes, but it is God’s right alone to force me to suffer for such a fate I have yet unearned in his eyes. Oh, the shame! For what was not mine has been taken from me though righteous I once was!

Sure, I fucked my brother’s wife. But she needed it! There she was, sitting all alone on their wedding day, weeping torturedly in her wedding dress. Her gartered thighs suddenly awoke in me a passion that we both knew we must release! Impassioned moments brought upon us by such a God that is wise yet merciful! Oh, how regret never seeped into our thoughts, though sinful other think they must be! For I was king! How should I be punished for allowing my seed to flow on through history, not regretting my inevitable demise, but celebrating that life brought forth once more to rule His kingdom! But my brother was not so understanding of God’s wishes, and called me things for which I surely cannot be called guilty! Oh, such pity I feel for men who lack the understanding of powers greater than themselves. That their small minds should allow for thoughts traitorous to God’s own commands makes me weep internal for such sacrilege.

My usurpers also claimed, as is the hest of those whom have earned legitimacy none, that I was lazy, of all things! Yes, it is true that some days following other days, I would lie in my chambers asleep (and provedly uncareful of wretched dogs!), waiting for God’s guidance in such matters that my common folks cannot begin to comprehend! I have a kingdom to oversee, and those duties would overwhelm such ordinary minds! So I must rest, as God may will it, perhaps for weeks on end if needed, so that my people do not suffer by mistaken battles and taxes they needn’t afford! That is why I must vacation often as well, to remove myself from a sanctitious lifestyle and visit a more common footing on sandy beach resorts, in my private condominium of lucidity, still struggling with decisions for my people, all whilst I put on a frontage of relaxation, so as not to worry my loyal (hah!) subjects! And usurpation is the outlandish price I must afford for such dedication to my people?!

So at times I grew sick of my subjects, many of whom would abuse my place of privilege for their own reckless gains! Asking for food from the mouths of those blessed enough to eat at my table! Or wanting me to soil my robes and build a roof, simply because a husband was too weak to work (such sloth in common men!). But never once did these beggars consider that their ‘families’ were not divined as was I, and did not deserve such things if God did not will it! So I began to spit on my subjects who dared such behests in defiance of all that was holy! But they misunderstood my tempers, and glaringly called me ‘hoarder’, or ‘keeper of things of wont’, amongst other viler names indeed! Yet the solitary souls who called me such things could be forgiven by a mere wave of my mighty hand. So when such names became commonplace in my public showings, when I gave up my own personal safety in order to explain to the common folks what was happening in the kingdom, I could not help but to piss on them!

St. Edwards Crown

That is when I ordered bodyguards placed at every entrance. We wasted no man who could exchange for my life, though! We only used women and children, because their lives are worth oh so much less than ours. What a wonderful idea of mine that was, to take up all of society’s wastefulness and re-employ them in the service of my great kingdom! Human shields they would perform at all of my events, feet shuffling to ensure coverage of my most valued humanly assets. Those vagrants should have recognized the blessing God gave by allowing them to protect his very own charge! And I was merciful as well. Each time I was saved from an assassination attempt, from a knife in the dark or a poisoned drink that was intercepted from my treasonous citizens, I disposed of the body in what their families must surely recognize in its glorious fashion as the ‘pit of martyrs’. Yes, I, their great king, was generous enough to provide for the disposal of their bodies, instead of just allowing them to lie around and rot!

With all of the cruel methods devised for the reduction to rubble of my grandiose kingdom, never would I stoop to the level of such common thieves. For I would demand hold trial, and execute those who would attempt to take from me what is rightfully mine! The survival of my legacy depends upon it, so I can be none too careful and took to execute all suspects within a fortnight! None shall make the people suffer so for my loss, so I ordered every house searched for debauchery, and every person of interest seized for summary execution! What a waste of time to trial all of these unworthy souls! The people want blood to sanctify my kingdom as safe haven from harm, and so they must receive them in the plazas, beheaded for all to know my might and power, my will to be known as God’s one and the same! The only shame was the too late devisal of a plan to increase the effectiveness of my scourge by employing executions within the households of such traitors!

Never would I have needed to falsify such charges, as they claimed! Why should I have to protect a kingdom when it is plainly in sight that it is God’s will alone! Sure, I told them taxes would not be raised before I was advised that they must be, but surely they must know the difference to leverage such a bold claim against the very hand that feeds them and gives them their pathetic lives to cherish! I told them wars would be waged in interests other than mine own, but that is not indication of untruth against the lesser residents of my kingdom! My words only serve to alleviate the pressures of the truth that should not be placed upon such weak shoulders, unstrong like mine own to carry such a burden! Such things should be kept from simple minds, who simply cannot fathom the meanings of all things divine that are mine alone to understand! So know that what I have told cannot be rescinded, because the interest of the people was always in consideration for the best!

The Sovereign's Orb of the United Kingdom, whi...

In the final days of my rule of law, as it invisibly approached, I found myself more and more cautious as I should have been. But ‘twas not caution enough from those wretched fools who would challenge the hand of God and steal the scepter assigned by Him! Though I chose to hide away my days, bringing food from only my loyalist subjects to feast me cross-legged under my bed, those miserables still managed to execute their unholy schemes upon me! Though I allowed none to enter but my subjects most similar in mind to the kingdom, though one light never faded from the day, they still somehow managed to defy God and annex His kingdom with my usurpation! I should have hid deeper, that could have saved my people from such a fate! Down below the dungeons of my castle, deep in the moldy trenches of war against my kingdom, I should have hidden from all of those who wished ill upon my subjects, who would suffer once my flawlessness was no longer theirs to behold!

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